The Game of 10: How Self-Awareness Transforms Your Leadership

Great leadership doesn’t happen by chance—it’s cultivated through intentional development and coaching. When leaders grow, teams become stronger, decisions get sharper, and innovation gains momentum, leading to deeper engagement, higher retention, and lasting productivity. 

In this episode, I’m joined by Steve Barton—executive coach, author, and creator of The Game of Ten®, an awareness-based framework for leaders. Drawing on 47+ years of business experience, Steve shares practical insights on self-awareness, decision-making, and emotional intelligence to help leaders perform with greater clarity, confidence, and purpose.

https://www.stevebartoncoaching.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/coach-steve-barton/

Chapters
00:00 Intro for Steve
02:00 Introduction to the Game of 10
03:06 Challenges Faced by Business Leaders
05:44 The Game of 10 Explained
12:29 Clarity and Identity in Leadership
19:36 Intuition and Authenticity
22:05 The Inspiration Behind the Game of 10
38:09 Coaching Business Leaders
42:29 Final Thoughts and Self-Discovery

Transcript

Intro for Steve

SPEAKER_01 0:00

It's all about being happy, healthy, wealthy, healed, and whole. Along the process of dealing with the daily life of business, it's challenged. Often throw us off. You rise to your level of incompetency. So they've reached a level where they are doing the best they can, and it's things have changed. They've gotten responsibilities that they're not used to. Something's gonna give. If you've got any past traumas or disappointments that you haven't resolved, they're gonna show up at some point. Awareness is clarity, it is uh unconditioning your conditions that you've been believing that thoughts, those thoughts, feelings, and emotions that you believe who you are, your identity. You're either working from love or you're working from fear. Your business we call it respect. Okay? Trust. Respect. So is do you respect yourself? A lot of uh you hear about uh uh imposter syndrome. It's huge.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

I guess welcome to Business Leadership Podcast. In this episode, I had a discussion with Steve Burden. Uh Steve is executive coach, author, and equator of A Game of Ten, a powerful awareness-based frameworks for leaders. With over 47 years of business experience, Steve grew a company from a 200,000 to a 2 million in revenue. He blends practical strategy with deep insights into awareness, decision making, and emotional intelligence. Steve has presented at Howard's Business School and works with the executive teams seeking clarity, confidence, performance, peace of mind, and purpose. His core message operating from awareness rather than fear unlocks higher performance and fulfillment. He's also a co-author of The Father, the Son, and the AHA moment. Steve is currently writing his next book. Hope you enjoyed this discussion as much as I did. And if you're finding a value out of this discussion, don't forget to share, subscribe, and send us your feedback. Your feedback is very important to us. Uh, allow us to focus on our right and uh discussions, help you grow and scale your business.

Introduction to the Game of 10

SPEAKER_00 2:00

So thank you again for your time. Please welcome Steve Barton. I guess welcome to Business Leadership Podcast. Today, our guest is Steve Barton. Uh, Steve, uh, you know, I'm looking forward to a discussion. You know, I'm looking forward to talking to you about the game of 10. You know, looking forward how you've been helping business leaders and uh, you know, what's going on in the markets. So there's so much to talk about. I'm looking forward to a discussion. Thank you so much for time today.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Well, Gurmit, thank you so much for having me on the show. I'm looking forward to it. And you're a great podcaster. And I've looked, I love to work with great podcasters and uh excited to be in. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

Thank you. I'm learning every day, Steve. You know, people like you, you know, every time I talk to you, you know, uh uh, you know, somebody in a guest in a podcast, there's so much to take away. I learn on a daily basis and just trying to grow. But let's talk about your your uh your work, Steve. There's so much happened over the last few years. We've gone through so much economically, financially, in a business world. You've been helping business leaders, you know, you get through a lot of uh you know difficult times. So what do you think some of the if you can pinpoint some of the common challenges a lot of these business leaders are up against that you try to deal with? You know, if you can just outline some of those challenges that you see from your client.

Challenges Faced by Business Leaders

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Well, I think it's all about being happy, healthy, wealthy, healed, and whole along the process of dealing with the daily life of business. It's challenged, often throw us off. So my job is to get them aligned and stay aligned. Even when they're going through difficult situations at work and at home, they all spew over to the same thing. Family, homework, self. It's it's a balancing act, and my job is to keep them in balance or teach them how to keep themselves in balance.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Got it. So what when when the business leader comes to your you you get a contact with somebody, do they know where the balance is off-save, or or you gotta discover that and find that out where why they're not uh in balance?

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Sometimes both. Sometimes they know there's something missing, but they don't know quite what it is, and sometimes they know that you know they're not happy in the relationship at home. They're not happy in the relationship at work. They they gotta figure something out or make some changes, or they're making some changes and want some guidance along the change pathway.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

So what you you know, you talk about high performance leaders uh in a write-up. So what happened to the performers when something's off the balance? It it gotta show in a performance, right? When when the leadership trying to perform you know, leaders are trying to perform at the work.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Yes, so it's a PETA principle. You rise to a level of incompetency, so they've reached a level where they are doing the best they can, and it's things have changed, they've gotten responsibilities that they're not used to. Something's gotta give. If you've got any past traumas or disappointments that you haven't resolved, they're gonna show up at some point. So my the fact is they show up at some point. And once you've reached that threshold, you've got to do the inner work, and I think that's where I come in.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

So some of the, you know, what are some of the areas that you see that key uh off-balance people are is a personal you know development side of things, or is it uh simple simply just uh, you know, the their their own uh well, it could be a professional development, it could be some of some of those emotional intelligence. What are some of the areas you see that people get off balance very quickly?

SPEAKER_01 5:14

They get stuck as I you get to that level of your awareness. I call it the game, I've created the game of 10. We'll talk about well, they're playing the game often played, one through nine, and they might have reached to nine, but at some point you've got to let go of control power and so that you can have it. So it's holding, it's grasping on to things that don't serve them anymore. And this is where it is difficult to release a thought

The Game of 10 Explained

SPEAKER_01 5:44

that turns into a belief that you have to even even beliefs are limiting. You have limiting beliefs. There, uh I think that every belief is limiting because uh what is is is infinite. So you're dealing, I get people to deal with the limits to deal with the unlimited, okay? The universal truths that who we are, what we're capable of, and what we have to let go of to achieve that level. So it's really about awareness, which is infinite, so it's it's never growth, never ending personal development and growth.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Got it. So is that does that problem like you know, shows up differently in a different size of business? So if I'm somebody starting a five million, you know, then a five million or ten million size of business, they want to have a different challenges of somebody in a 50 million is different challenges, right? So so because you solve different problems every inflection point in a business. So if they got to 50 million, I mean they dealt with some sort of beliefs, they have some sort of right belief on certain things, or they got to that point, right? So is it what I'm trying to understand is is it a different challenges on a five, 10 million and then 50 or 100 million business?

SPEAKER_01 6:55

It can be, and you're taking on more responsibility, more responsibility with money, this larger thing. You have to let delegate control. You can't do run a one very rarely can run a five million dollar company. So you have to delegate responsibility, which means trusting people, hiring the right people, making sure they're representing our the CEO's values, the uh integrity of the company, the the mission, the it's being clear. The more the more you're people you're managing, the clearer you have to be. And clarity is fairness. So if somebody's not clear, they might make a million bucks. You bet better be clearer when you make two and three and a hundred and billion. You know, you better be very focused, very committed, and very intellect uh most have high emotional intelligence to not be shaken because the markets the markets shake when you shake. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

So this game of ten that you found her of uh, you know, is clarity one of the the one of those areas as well. Uh, if you can walk our audience to what is this game of ten, just give us an overview so we can understand, and then let's talk about a couple of those important points out of those.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

It always awareness is clarity, it is unconditioning your conditions that you've been believing, that thoughts, those thoughts, feelings, and emotions that you believe who you are, your identity. You have to be do that. You have a flexible identity, that you are you are the identity of the business at work, you are the identity of the spouse at home, your identity of the with your kids and family. So you have all these identities that we're dealing with, and they bet to be flexible and and and deal with the situations immediately. So the game of ten is uh based on the premise that we're all born ten, and through a lot of situations, we have disappointments. And the greater the disappointments from someone didn't do something I wanted to I was abused drastically, and I've buried it in my subconscious. And you don't know when it's gonna come out if if it was never completed, the grieving, this the pain, the completing the cycle of to coming to the realization this happened and I'm getting over it, that circuit isn't broken, it stays in our mind, it stays in our body. And at some point it's gonna come out, and it might come out when you're just overwhelmed. And I like to say that whelm is great, underwhelm is not great, overwhelmed is not great. We want to stay in a state of whelm. You don't hear that word very often in that in that context, but whelm is it's awareness, it's clarity, it's gratitude, it's grace, it's we're all one in it together, optimistic stance. Don't say positive thinking because but it is positive thinking without being unrealistic in your optimism. It is it is just acceptance, it is what it is right now, and what we what are we gonna do about it or how are we gonna keep it?

SPEAKER_00 10:08

Got it, got it. So, to your point, so there's a lot of stuff you mentioned. Let's unpack the game of 10 first. So you mentioned that it's it's uh we we were all born 10. So it's it is that concept is that over the time we we have some challenges, and then we get into nine, eight different, different uh different challenges, or or what is the concept of the game the game of 10? You gotta stay 10 all the time.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

You don't have to. You can play the game often played, but you're gonna learn some lessons in that game. Okay, got it, got it, got it. What need to let go? Is it power, control? Uh who do you have what person places situation do you have to let go of, forgive? Most people think they have to forgive the person, place, or situation that happened in the past. It's actually the thought about that that you've attached thought to, then an emotion got attached to it, and then a feeling got attached to it, and it's in you. And if you don't let it go, you're gonna have some part of your mind which is connected to your body, gonna be stuck in there. So show me an ailment, I'll show you there's a thought that's connected to it, and that's the basis of NLP. So, yeah, it's so I call that the game often played one through nine. Ones can't get out of bed, okay? They are uh nines can get out of bed and run a multi-million dollar company. Yet they also want to have the game often played is based on fear, self-doubt, guilt, shame. Even the nines hold on to a little bit of that just so they can do better, be more, have more, versus this is my enough right now, and I have my sights on this company going global. So it doesn't mean just the people get stuck in the word enough, and it's actually universal quantity of infinite quantity, but it's so downplayed. Ekatole talks about the power of now, which is the universal time, never was the past, never going to be the future, it's ours now. The universal space or the universal quantity to complete time space, collapse it, is now is always enough.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

What interesting? So, yeah, you one of the items you mentioned was clarity, and and we you know we were just talking about the identities of this. I want to just circle back to that.

Clarity and Identity in Leadership

SPEAKER_00 12:29

What you said, you know, the business senior owners have formed a different identity, whether it's in a business, whether in a personal life. How does somebody know it's the right identity to adopt? How do how do they form it? And and how do they how does that come into play in a game of 10? The clarity part.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

All right. We are you're either working from love or you're working from fear. In business, we call it respect. Okay, trust, respect. So is you do you respect yourself? A lot of uh you hear about uh imposter syndrome. It's huge that when there was a gap between 10 and 8, this 20% gap in there that someone says, Oh my god, I can't this is who I am, like this is how I feel. When they don't align, there's the imposter syndrome. This is not what they think I am, who I have to portray every day at work is not how I feel, you know. And how do I go out there and inspire people when I'm not inspired myself? So you I think that's a big thing. You so if your identity is aligned with 10, you're fine. If your identity is not aligned with that, um it's the other thing not fine.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Is there is there a way for me to assess that? Um, is there a way I can uh just I take a look at a game of 10 and say, listen, where am I right now? I'm an eight, I'm in a seven. How do I how do I do that? How do I go about it and to figure out where what what state I'm I'm in?

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Well, I have I have a 14 question form, which we won't do right now, but I I'm kind of says where am I like you're saying right now, how on a scale of one to ten, without thinking, just feeling, just don't even pay attention to anything that it's it is situational, but in general, how happy, healthy, wealthy, healed, and whole are you right now in your life in general. Got it. Make sense? You have so I don't I mine I remember I always had, all right, because I've done this for so long. And typically the per people I talk to, seven, six, eight, yeah. That's rarely do I get a ten. Yeah because rarely do I get a ten. Then if I I used to say, when I got a ten, what do you want a friend? Yes. Nobody gets that I'm always happy, that no one gets I can't tell about everyone how wealthy I am. I don't I'm just so happy, I'm so healthy that everyone I talk to is not that way. So so the the question, do you want a friend is valid, but what I'm gonna do is also have a place or for tens to go to, too. Because I have a friend, I have a colleague I'm working with, another coach, and he tells me how great he is and everything, and and I'm really good at this, and I'm really good at that, and people really love me and all this. I said, you know, Cliff, I said, you can't say that to everyone because they think you're an ego maniac. He goes, I know, I know, but I can say it to you and you get it. I said, I do get it. It's a right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Nice, nice. Okay, so so that is that is one area people can assess, and then then if they're not aware they are, that then they can reach out for help. How and how about uh you know leadership, you know, the big the little bigger size companies where the business leaders are not only responsible for their own well-being and and their own performance, they're also responsible for the teams. How could you use the same tool in the teams as well? Because a lot of team members or leaders, you know, when you have a different uh you know hierarchy in a leadership, you want to train them to assess and do the same thing. Is that a right approach that you give that tool to your team as well, those they can assess themselves?

SPEAKER_01 16:08

Absolutely. And then if they know if the leader is working at a level of 10, he's gonna know where their level is. Where do you want to be? If they say I'm at six, and this is who where I want to be, leave me alone. Okay, you put them on those jobs that they aren't, they aren't looking to grow. They don't want to be management, they don't want to be vice presidents, they don't want that. So don't they'll tell you, people tell you who they are if you just listen. And so it's really about, I think my feeling is great leaders groom great leaders, and their job is to just be in the background and spin. The other thing in the game of 10 is the higher you go on awareness, the higher your intuition is. You just know stuff, all right, and your intentionality becomes higher, too. So I like to use this phrase we are intentional, intuitive, energetic beings or spirits having or having a physical experience. So the higher your level of awareness is, the more intentional you are, the more clear you are, the more intuitive you are. People don't in business don't pay attention to that intuition. And that's my first client was the was the one of the founders of the Gestalt International Study Center. She was also 30 years retired, 30 years she worked as the head of HR for AT ATT Global. She was the head of HR, and she said, Can I hire you to do what you do? I said, Yep. My intuition is very and it'd be weird to a lot of people. But it's it's normal to me. I nurture it, I honor it, I love being intuitive. I know stuff that most people don't know, and some people stay right away from me because they don't want me to know what who they think they are. Their masks come off, whether they know it or not. And it's a it's a curse and it's also a blessing. But it's a really a blessing because I don't want to be around people who are their authentic selves.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Yeah. Can you do this intuition we talk about? Is that skill developed? It could be developed, or is it somebody born with it or or you know, or not? Could that be developed that skill over time?

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Everything you just said, we're born with it, we get it unconditioned from us, and we can get it back. So it can be developed or it can be unmasked. How about that? Because if we someone says you're not good enough, you don't do enough, you don't have enough, you're not right, you're not doing the best you can, and you're not 10, and you've been conditioned or brainwashed into believing that, then you have to unbelieve it. Okay? So we're actually born perfect and get conditioned and get the truth taken out of us. So it's our job to get back to the truth, to get back to our authentic self. And the I like to say too that one of the hardest things to be in life is your authentic self because people want you to be just like they are.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

Yeah. And we spend so much time trying to be like, you know, to try to fit in in many different areas, right? Whether it's a company culture or a lot of a culture. So to your point, yeah, you know, that's where the lot of time we spent.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Yeah. And if the room isn't for you, you can find a different room. You know, and being I love the phrase, be the be the average, intelligence, awareness in the room. You want to be always

Intuition and Authenticity

SPEAKER_01 19:36

be in that middle so you know where you so you can lead others and learn from others too. So be the be the average in the in that room. So and also have the open learning mindset. No, I can learn from these people, I can grow from this room, I can help people in this room because you learn by helping others and you learn by being helped by others. So it's really that I think humility, humble mindset that I don't know everything, you know, even though I've got done a lot of stuff in personal development and psychology and coaching? I don't know. I go in the I go into every day, what can I learn today? What don't I know? So I'm doing podcasts now, and I'm learning a lot from others, but you said in the beginning.

unknown 20:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Did your, you know, what have we gone through with the COVID and now we we're dealing with the you know the world affairs all over the world, the you know, disturbance. Did your approach to some of that stuff change over the last few years? Or or uh can you you know it's remains the same that the way it was before? Like did any of those if recent events impact the way, you know, the way you approach this 10 uh game of 10?

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Members I had a lot of heightened awareness and it brings to awareness to follow the money. Who's benefiting from this situation? And you're gonna find the truth. So sometimes sometimes when you're you find with high heightened intuition, you see things that you really don't want to see, but you have an awareness this is how it is. Is my job to change it? No, my job is to bring awareness to it. So ask the people, what do you think? You know, is the earth flat or is it round? Was the COVID planned or was it a catastrophe that happened? And it would you be the judge, do the research, find up. Yeah, a lot of people don't want to, they want to watch the news and be told what to believe, what to think. And to some that's true, and to some it's not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

So let's talk about the game of 10. So, what inspired you to find, you know, how did you come up with the game of 10 if you give us a little bit of background and and what inspired you to uh put that in uh in in a in another same sequence?

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Well, it's simplicity. I like to play. So why not make tell say what life is? It's a game. We're here to recreate, which means recreate, same word, different syllables, emphasis. On the syllables, we get to recreate, recreate heaven on earth. Okay? I'm

The Inspiration Behind the Game of 10

SPEAKER_01 22:05

not religious at all, but I love religion. I love spirituality. I love psychology. I love everything, basically. And I have great boundaries. Okay. A lot of people mistake loving unconditionally with a being la la woo-woo. It's really strong. Spirituality is strong. Awareness is based on solid boundaries, based on values and morals that I own and I hold dearly to myself. And others, and respecting sometimes love says yes, sometimes love says no, sometimes love says stay, and sometimes love is you gotta go. Okay. And really clarity with it and doing it from a place of 10 and letting go of somebody and saying no, you're not working out. This is for you. This is not a closed door, but develop this is the skills that we're looking for in other company, and we need you to develop. We've tried, it hasn't worked, you don't seem happy here. I'm gonna invite you to leave. And if you can prove that you come back in a year or two, I'd certainly I'd certainly help you out wherever I can, guide you to the right places I see that you need to fit to get back here. So, you know, do it in a in a respectful way. So it's not always yes and stay in enable people to having behaviors that aren't conducive to the work environment or the job that they're signed up for or hired for in the job description. That's not that at all.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

Very interesting. Okay, so let's so let's talk about your journey, but Steve. How how you know, talk about your background. How did you get into uh coaching people and and high performance coaches? If you talk about your background, how did you get involved? How you got so good at this?

SPEAKER_01 23:51

Thank you for the saying I'm so good at this because I'm I'm good, I'm really good at it. And I love how did I get so good at it? Because I love it. I'm passionate about it. I love helping people who want to be helped. I truly do. I wake up in every day. Who can I help? What can I do? What can I learn? So I developed the game of 10. Back to your other question. I have ADHD, so I love jumping around. And if I interrupt, she means I'm excited. So the game of 10 was developed for to make life simple for people. Everyone's 10. There's six phrases that are the basis of the game of 10. And they are I am 10, which means that you're the highest level of awareness. You are an aspect of energy, divine energy. And next two phrases are I'm doing the best that I can with the awareness that I have. I'm always right with the awareness that I have. And these go for everybody. So it's I, they, we. I am enough, I do enough, and I have enough. The first phrase is a declaration of who we innately are. The next two phrases are declarations of our innate or divine innocence. Three phrases, I am, I do, and I have, put you in present moment awareness. And then I am, I do, and I have what? Enough. The universal quantity of whatever the subject is at the moment. And those six phrases will clear your mind so you have no thoughts for a nanosecond, usually in the beginning, because we're so addicted to thinking. And the more of my clients practice this, the more they can go throughout the day with only downloading present moment thoughts. Okay. I talked to a neuroscientist once about a year ago. We were at a social event. He says, I'm a neuroscientist. I said, Okay, let me know what here's what I think, tell me what fits a mind. First, you get an idea, then right brain, then it goes to your left brain to a thought, and then the thought you either take action upon it or you don't, or it's neutral. And yeah, that's it. And the more you do that thought, then it becomes part of the neuropathways. And then once it becomes a belief, that's a high-level thought. They get really ingrained. So it's really it takes a while to get a belief to know. The higher than belief is knowing. And what if that knowing is not true? It gets too idea, thought, belief, knowing, and then you find out oh my god, that's not then you find out the truth. So you you that's when someone's really done a good job brainwashing us, or that you haven't learned a truth. So they're very difficult to to undo, and they're also difficult to get to to believe. You've got to have a lot of follow the dots to get to of that to be, yeah. That's an absolute truth. I I believe this, I know this, okay. They're hard hard to undo. So you had to answer the question.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Yeah, no, so so the idea is so so is it the idea to clear your mind with all the thoughts because you don't have so you're not having thoughts, or is the idea is to fill your brain with the right thoughts so you can perform better at whatever you want to do?

SPEAKER_01 27:26

Good question. You don't want thoughts in your brain, right? You want new thoughts. You want to have one thought. The one you just the one you just had an idea because you and then you turn it into a thought, that becomes the first form. So an idea is a concept, it's not a form, it's formless. Like our spirit is form less. Ideas are the first aspect of bringing formless into form, a thought. It's a synapse, it's actually a form, it's a form of energy. It's you can see it on brain's electromagnetic brain scans. So you have an idea and a thought that is a thing, and then the thing gets either implemented or not, as we said, and then you create the physicality from that thought. So I think the biggest so getting back to do you want thought a lot of thoughts in your head? No, because if you get a download of a present moment thought and you get a you're full of thoughts, which one is the one you want to pick from? Is it from the past? If they're in your head, they're from the past. Or do you want to have one that was currently downloaded, and that that is the one you're gonna increase your odds ten times if you only have a present moment awareness? I'm never lacking thought, okay? But they're present moment thoughts, and this is gives me direction. Do I want to act upon the thought or not? No, I don't. All right. So the Cleveland Clinic did the study. The average person has 60,000 thoughts in their head a day. Of those thoughts, 80% are from the past. Although, and 80% of the thoughts are negative from the past and today. We're we're hardwired for a negativity bias. And that's our identity, our ego. It keeps us in our physical form. And it protects us, but oftentimes it's protecting us when we don't need protecting. So it's here's a uh here's a good way to look at it. We have we are not our thoughts, we have thoughts. We are not our feelings, we have feelings. We are not our emotions, we have emotions. We are not our mind, we have a mind. We are not a body, we have a body. And it's a tool, they're all tools to use appropriately. But most time people are being run by their thoughts, feelings, and emotion, their body and their mind. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

Yeah. How how about the tools people use, uh uh Steve? You know, uh something like uh whether it's a yoga, whether it's a meditation, or as I'm listening to music to control the thoughts. The idea is okay, more I do, more I'm gonna control the thoughts, and I'm gonna quiet my brain with a meditation or yoga. What are you thought? What are your thoughts on those things?

SPEAKER_01 30:20

My thoughts on those things are you're just suppressing the thoughts using something that really works well to maintain your clear mind. Okay, don't use it to clear. You can you the only way to clear your mind is to let those thoughts go. And how and that's great, it leads me up to how do you let those thoughts go? If they're if they're loving thoughts and abundant thoughts and really just great things, keep them. That's who we are. But if they're thoughts of fear, stress, anger, self-doubt, guilt, shame, you gotta let that stuff go. And the only way to let it go is, and usually those thoughts come in at a low level of you know, three, four, five, six, okay? So you can't let go at the level Einstein says you can't solve a problem at the level it was created. So I I instruct, I teach my clients to form a temple in their minds, but an altar. It doesn't have to be religious, it just has to be divine, something that is sacred. Mine, the mind is sacred, and we do have a temple up here. Bubba is called the temples, right? So I tell them to take those thoughts that don't serve you anymore, fear, self-doubt, guilt, shame on the altar. Let it take care of it for you because you can't do it at the level you were traumatized or disappointed. Can't do it, not not possible. So we have a lot of false forgivenesses out there who some people have traumatized someone. Will you ever forgive me?

SPEAKER_00 31:59

Oh, of course I will, and still being angry at the person for doing something to them, or so what are some of the techniques people can use themselves to let go some of those thoughts? Uh, Steve, is is a forgiveness is one of the is is forgiveness part of part of the process that you let go? And how about the being grateful is another way of getting. I see a lot of people use that, you know, you forgive now now you use a grateful uh practice over time just to feel abundant, so you let go of those thoughts. Uh, if you can share some of those, what do you tell what do you think is one of the one is some of your favorite techniques to deal with those thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 32:33

My only technique that I use is mine, okay? And I coach people on mine, but it's not the only way. I also tell the game of trends, not the only way. There's more than one road to Rome, as they say. So, but you gotta get there and you gotta let go of degree that's along the way, and those are disappointments and traumas. So I think therapy is great, I think yoga is great, I think the exercise is great. You gotta exercise your body and your mind, okay? People come to me and say, Oh, I'm like, I gotta heal my soul, my spirit. I said, I'll say to them, that's fine. It's waiting for you to return. So heal your mind, heal your body, and uh, and then you'll align with yourself. That is yourself. So you just it's about alignment with that. So 33 and a third percent of everything's all set, okay? Mind, body, spirit, that's fine. So it's really aligning with it. Okay, so you put a big smile on your face, and phew, I got 33% of it already taken care of. It always was, it always was.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:40

What were interesting. Let's talk about your book. So what the book your book is not on a on uh on a leadership, right? The book is on a on, I think the parenting, I guess, right? So if you talk about what inspired to write the book and what's the book about?

SPEAKER_01 33:54

I was writing a book, my 18 year old during COVID. I was taking miracle-minded coaching with Marianne Williamson. I've been following her for 30 years. COVID hit, she was grounded in DC publishing house. Took her to coffee one day and said, Hey, do you want to do coaching? We'll sponsor you, we'll we'll promote you, you show up and we'll give you, I don't know, obviously. But anyways, I took miracle-minded coaching with her. I finished the course in a month, a three-month course. I saw that same publishing house, write a book. So I had my game of 10 in my head. I said, I'm gonna write the game of 10 book. And so I get a phone call from the owner saying, Steve, you're in a pile on my desk and we don't know what to do with you. I said, Welcome to my world. He said, Yeah, I finished the homework. She goes, I know, I wouldn't be on the phone if I you hadn't. What's the name of your book? I said, The game of 10. She goes, Nobody's gonna buy it. I said, Okay. Don't you want to know why? I said, No. And then she goes, Well, I'll tell you why. You're not Beyonce. If Beyoncé was gonna write the game of ten, it'd be a New York Times bestseller. So, what else you got? I said, I'm writing you with my 18-year-old son. I love it. Parenting book. So I wrote a parenting book called, and the name came up. And it turned out that Marianne Wimson, who was a seven-time New York Times bestseller, 13 times novelist, uh book writer, and she was one of my writing coaches, which was great. And she loved the name, the father, the son, with having my son Spencer and I writing it together. And she said, You know, the aha moment is the Holy Spirit. I said, I didn't know that, but it makes sense. So that's how the book got written. And it's it says, Develop I what I forgot what it says. Father, son, the aha tools for helping you and your son uh child develop a path to happiness. So I was at the chiropractor one day, and the woman at the front desk says, I want to read your book, but I'm not a parent. I said, Do you have an inner child? She goes, Oh yeah, I go buy it, but you know, I'll give it to you. Read it for that. Because it's really all about healing the unhealed wounds that we have within ourselves. And our our identity or our ego is always very protective of that.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

Yeah. And and same probably same apply in a leadership, same concept, same principle, probably apply in a leadership, apply in a parenting as well, I guess, right?

SPEAKER_01 36:25

Yeah. You're you know, who you're leading are basically you're the dad, they're the kids. Okay. Yeah, you gotta keep the kids busy, you gotta keep the household running. So it's similar, similar skills, but one is very, you know, we think of one is much more is strategic, the other one's intimate. So there's a level of awareness there. Are you playing on an intimate level with an employee, or are you playing in a very strategic? You know, the someone died in their family, you're not gonna be strategic with them. Have you made arrangements with the funeral director? You know, you're gonna be more. How are you feeling? You know, how you this? So you've got to really play that spectrum of intimate and strategic. And it's with anything, even with parenting. Kids get comes home from school and gets a D. Okay. Are you gonna be intimate or strategic? Hopefully, you'll be both, you know. You know, saying, How are you feeling about that? And I'm really sad. And I said, Well, what are we gonna do about it? Well, let's set up the plan for how can we help you get a B or an A, you know? It's kind of that. It is that.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

So let's talk about your work with a business leader. So, how do how do you help with a business leader? You work in a team environment. Do you work one-on-one kind of coaching? Like, how do you how do you help our business leaders when they're stuck with something?

SPEAKER_01 37:41

Anyway, they asked me to. Hey, I got a team, I want to get them all in a new team together. We just bought an I worked with an insurance agency who just bought another insurance agency, and they want to put the teams together. I so we use the game of 10 to get them on the same, playing the same game. Because you're teaching that the game of 10 is all about respect. And it in and understanding that people, even when they're wrong, they think they're right with the awareness

Coaching Business Leaders

SPEAKER_01 38:09

that they have. So when you know they're wrong, you might be, I might be wrong, they might be wrong, everyone might be wrong. But how do we, with the awareness that is caveat that says with the awareness that they have, let's bring in some awareness, let's bring in some facts, statistics, uh customer reviews, let's see what the truth is the best we can to really make a decision. And then what is the enough? I mean, they're doing enough, they'd have enough. You know, what is the enough? What is it? What are the metrics that saying these are the standards? You have to have this many calls a day. You could have 50 calls a day and you're doing two. Okay, that that you might that might be your enough, but it's not the enough that we've established. So things like that. So it puts things into alignment. It's all about alignment, awareness, respect, love, gratitude, grace, the whole thing. It's alignment with who we are and who we really want gravitating towards being, whether we know it or not.

SPEAKER_00 39:15

Got it. Where can people learn about it more of uh I know you the book didn't make it for you know the about game of 10, but if people want to learn about your game of 10, where can they go and where can they learn uh more about it and get more details on it?

SPEAKER_01 39:28

Well, the book actually does go into I use the book to do it for parenting. It's kind of like chicken soup for the soul. You know, you go into chiropractors, chicken soup for the chiropractor. This is gonna be that's my chicken soup for the game of 10. Is just I did I went through it for my first time book. I had coaches, so I went with my coaches. I was a good student. I didn't I I wrote a book. It turned out great. Best father-son project I ever did. You can uh you can learn the game of ten from the book, it's on Amazon. You can go to my website, www.stevebartoncoaching.com, scroll to the bottom, and you can download that for free. You're gonna get five triple emails about my coaching and LinkedIn too. I always my all my posts are based on the game of ten. My this yesterday did a post said, How can you be your authentic self when you don't know who you are?

SPEAKER_02 40:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

Well, I'm gonna include a link to uh all your uh, you know, the book and your website, uh LinkedIn below this video. People can click a button, they can reach out to you. And you know, business owners, business leaders watching us, listening to us on a podcast. I will encourage you to take a look at a game of 10. You're gonna get a totally different perspective and then reach out to Steve for conversation. Who knows where the discussion is gonna go? So the link is below the video. Click a button and uh reach out to for Steve and get a copy of your book as well from Amazon to you know learn more. So, Steve, what's the best way for people to connect with you? Is it a website or LinkedIn or or uh any other form or shape or form that you like to connect with people?

SPEAKER_01 40:58

Definitely LinkedIn or by website. Book a call if you're interested in coaching. Don't book a call if you're not, but like reach out on LinkedIn and I accept all LinkedIn, most all LinkedIn requests. So communicate with me there. Follow my posts, it's all about the game of 10. It's really all about being yourself when it all comes to it's always about being yourself, and it's really difficult being yourself today.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Yeah, especially what's going on out there, right? So, yeah, business leader watching that be listening to us, they solve as a blind spot. There's so much gaps, and that's where you need help for somebody like a Steve. So I will say reach out to him, Steve. The business owner, the CEOs, the companies or leaders, they're trying to grow the company and they also gotta work on themselves at the same time. As we talk about awareness, clarity, all those things. Where can they start? Any message you want to leave for them? Can they start by them all on the self-discovery? And how can they, you know, look for help when they need help?

SPEAKER_01 41:55

I think first by being aware of what are you thinking, right? What listen to your just ask, listen, look at be the observer of your thoughts, being the observer of what triggers you, be the observer of what makes what brings you joy, what brings you just observing yourself without beating yourself up ever. That's part of the game of 10. I have to tell that to every all my people I work with because they want to they think they change by beating themselves up. It doesn't work that way. So so yeah, how about this one?

Final Thoughts and Self-Discovery

SPEAKER_01 42:29

Be yourself and never beat yourself up for being yourself. That's what we'll leave them with. That's huge for everybody.

SPEAKER_00 42:35

Yeah, good message, great message. Thank you so much for time, Steve. It was a great discussion. Hopefully, talk soon. And I'll put a link below. I'd encourage people to click a button, get a copy of the book, learn 10, you know, game of 10, and reach out to for conversation. Thank you so much for time, Steve.

SPEAKER_01 42:49

Thank you so much, committed. Really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

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